Successful Living

Dear Mark,

 I loved your last column about how attitudes fundamentally coincide with the degree of successful living. But I seem to get hung up on Phase 2 (frustration). Do you have any insight to overcoming this Phase?

Samantha in Louisville, KY

 Samantha,

First, I would like to thank you for your kind words about the last column. There has been a lot of feedback with some of the same type comments.

I'd be glad to address the specific phase of frustration.

I'm going to break down this frustration phase into different stages. Most of the time frustration doesn't start with frustration.

Listen to this. Usually, frustration starts with a content reality.

REALITY
Let's say you have a job that you've been in for 4 or 5 years. Everything is going along like always. You're fine with how things have been. Your fine with how things are. You think your fine with where things are going.

Then something unexpected happens that creates a tension between you and your boss. It may be your fault. But HEY! Everyone makes mistakes.

It may not have been your fault but the circumstances that fell before you, put you in an awkward situation.

From reality of content, you soon realize a state of fear.

FEAR
Suddenly, you find  what you used to know as contentment or even rewarding giving birth to an uncertain surrounding.

This uncertain surrounding manifests itself in the form of fear. Fear is the enemy of moving forward; it is the enemy of success.

Fear is paralyzing. Fear sucks.
Don't fall for fear.

As your fear progresses, you will find you hitting a wall that leads to the next stage.

ANGER
This stage is dangerous. You must keep your emotions in check.

For instance, if you use the example of your job with these stages, you could find yourself jobless if you don't control this emotion.

If you don't control anger in your relationships in this process, you may find your relationships severed.

A word of caution. If you find yourself in going through this process, calm down before making any decisions while in this stage.

Some people will get stuck in this stage and it will be to their demise or make for a miserable existence at the least.

Important: The main way out of denial is to drop your pride. Humble yourself and submit to authority or whatever the situation is that you may not be acknowledging.

From there you will move to the next stage.

JUSTIFICATION
Once you have left denial, you should realize that you just went through the last week, month or year for a reason. It is totally justified.

From this point, you will start a decision process that will require some kind of action.

1. You will realize you need to find another line of work, career or another employer.  OR
2. You'll acknowledge what you need to do to make the remainder of your time more pleasant and even earn your next promotion.

Which ever choice you make, you will be better off than before you started this frustration process.

Write back and let me know how things are going.

- Mark

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