Dear Mark,

Successful Living seems to be fluent in others lives every where I turn. What is it that I'm doing wrong? Is there a secret formula or what? I seem to be missing it or something.

Jacob in Salt Lake City, UT

Dear Jacob,

You are responsible for you. What do I mean? Simple.

You may not be where you want to be in life. You may be. Either way, you are responsible for where you are. The decisions you made are your decisions. You may feel trapped. You feel that way because of the decisions you made to get there. You may feel you’re in a helpless situation. You feel that way because of the decisions you made. You will continue to feel that way if you decide to stay where you are.

The good news is you can make different decisions to get out of that situation and experience some new feelings. Feelings that will empower you. Feelings that will inspire you. Feelings that will enable you to further your successful life.

Here is the ridiculous part. People throughout life have most likely given you extremely valuable advice. If only you would take that advice and actually implement it to your life. For some people, all they would have to do is take a couple of steps and there would be a windfall of automatic steps to follow. This would lead to so much of what they dream. The problem is comfort, habit, resistance and fear.

Look at these a little closer.

Comfort

Comfort is an enemy of success. To succeed we have to get out of our comfort zone. Think about it.

Habit

Habit can be an enemy of success OR it can be the backbone for achieving success. In this context we are talking about the enemy. You can probably answer this question before you even finish hearing it.

Question: What are some habits that murder any chance of achieving success?

Potential Answers: Laziness, Complacency, Procrastination, Lack of Self Control, Jealousy

Do any of these look familiar? Are you where you want to be? Perhaps a couple of the above habits need to be banned from your life?  

One of the most difficult things to do is to stop a bad habit. Another extremely difficult thing to do is to start a good habit. Now combine those and try to stop a bad habit and start a good habit at the same time. At first that may seem next to impossible. It may be . . . if you think that way.

Here’s a good way to overcome that. Get angry enough at your current circumstance that you
D-E-C-I-D-E to make a change. The most effective tool for change is a concrete decision. There is a common attribute that almost all successful people have. That attribute is habit. But not just any habit. The habits of successful will bring success in your life.

Resistance

Resistance can be a good thing but it’s not when you are trying to achieve something. Resistance can be seen through behaviors such as procrastination and just negative thinking in general. Resistance can cripple any potential successes or be a blockade to keep successful living from exploding. How do you know if you’re resisting successful living? Simple.

Are you in the same place now you were in 3 months ago? 6 months ago? 1 year ago? If so, chances are you are resisting successful living. Now that sounds absurd. Why would anyone want to resist successful living? I don’t believe anyone would consciously and purposely keep from living successfully. But on another level people are too comfortable to change. There’s a question of the unknown element of success. On a subconscious level there is a fear of success. Or should I say it’s more of a fear of failure. Which brings us to fear.

Fear

Fear can be the most crippling, unrelenting, paralyzing, scary emotion you will ever experience, if you let it.  Fear plays a part in our every day lives and it can keep you from failing. It will keep you from taking risks. It will keep you safe. Consequently, it will keep you from successful living. 

So how do you overcome and kill fear?

First, you have to become extremely emotional about killing your fear.

Are you afraid of heights?

Climb a mountain.

Are you afraid of meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Go strike up a conversation with all the interesting people every chance you get.

Do you fear public speaking?

Sign up for a public speaking course or go join your local Toastmasters chapter and sign up to speak as much as possible.

You see fear is a decision. You can decide to be a person of fear or you can decide NOT to be. Fear can be your end or it can be your beginning? What do I mean by that? Just this, if you decide fear is going to rule your decisions about how to succeed or not, then you most always will not. But if you decided that fear will be your motivator to overcome every thing that may hold you back, then you will be on top in a short amount of time.

Fear = Limitations

No Fear = Endless Opportunity

Hope this helped you, Jacob. If you have any questions about anything I've talked about here, please drop me a line.

- Mark

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Success and Inner Strength
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